All That Yall Need To Know About Suicide Squad

Sup yall rooster throttling anal bleeders, iss ya boi Rock Digglesbee aka Diggy Rockdust aka Boycottin the Oscars cuz There's no Trannies Nominated aka the Part Time Savage. Basically, I'm juss droppin by to throw yall starvin ass, flappy lipped meow meow snorters some change in the form of knowledge. Knowledge on the upcoming sequel to the wildly successful Heath Ledger bio-pic Straight Outta Gotham (Crazy Motherfucker Named Two-Face). That sequel has been, disrespectfully, in ma opinion, called Suicide Squad, and it deals wid Ledger an Kurt Cobain wreaking havoc wit the big homie God up in heaven. Trust me, ya bish, I am semi-fluent in nerd... I watched half an episode of Star Trek once and I did a week of physics at college, I'm practically the next George Lucas, except, you know, I have a chin that is separate from my neck, for now.

George Lucas pictured here just launching a baby into the sky.

 Anyway, less get on with this lil run down of what exactly the fuck is Suicide Squaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
Well, iss kinda like X-Men, except they haven't churned out enough films that no one actually gives a shit about to be exactly the same. Also, instead of a Stephen Hawking rip off/happiest Holocaust survivor ever, they've got the Joker's try-hard lil brother who fell in a boiling tub of Starbucks brand mud-in-a-cup and came out as an anorexic little weirdo who looks like he got them scars from stuttering at a poetry reading after Harry Styles walked into the room.
As for the rest of this motley crew...

Sex Offenders Register: The Movie.

First off, just to the left there, we got the star player for some American high school's baseball team, who has decided to go down the route of lookin like the most unemployable fuckwit on the planet by tattooing his head so that it actually looks like a baseball.
Next to this freak is the physical embodiment of genital warts. I don't think I agree with him being in such close proximity wit the others an potentially spreadin dis shit about. Guy's head looks like iss about to fall off an chase Indiana Jones down a tunnel or sum shit.
Then we have the Fresh Prince of Gotham aka Deadpool fanboy aka Will this film make people forget that I brought Jaden Smith into this world? This guy seems pretty cool actually, I jus hope he does the Carlton dance at least once before he dies first (you know, because he's black).
Next to Big Willy we have that girl that was a right slag at school and went out with one of your mates an she used to force the guy to hang out with only her an abandon yall crew fo her but then they broke up and yall found out that she was a straight up psycho who would threaten to kill herself if the dude even dared to smile at dat cute girl who served yall at some restaurant or sum shit and held a knife to his throat if he even got a text from his nan (who was a right GILF, but das a story for another day) but everyone still thought she could get the old ham cannon despite being a confirmed maniac. For real though, this girl looks like the cheerleader for the "I'm trying to hard to be different cuz I'm an uninteresting piece of shit" crowd. Still bangable doe, even though she looks like her pastimes include listening to Avril Lavigne and crying.
Next to her is Tom Hardy's brother Dave. Dave had a hard life as he was raised in the darkest corner of the ruins of Bridgewater an had to rise up above the web-toed masses by winning the Bridgewater Heavyweight Champion belt after beating the shit outta a bunch of snaggle-toothed Jeremy Kyle rejects.
The woman who's hurt her leg appears to be obsessed with Japan, which is always a telltale sign of cringe-inducing mental fuckery. She probably has an extended scene where she argues that My Little Pony is the cure for cancer or some shit before drop kicking Will Smith's children off of the Great Wall of China, jus to prove they are even bigger pussies than dem Japanese bitches who took two nukes up the ass like a Call of Duty obsessed gimp.
Behind her is that crazy lady who you see around your town occasionally, chasing people around with dildos in her hand or arguing with herself. She's also probably a Cher tribute act (citation needed).
And then we have a guy who looks like he's probably been arrested for flashing at a school bus at least twice in his life. I mean, dude's coat is suspect as fuck. What's he hiding a fuckin meth lab in there or sum shit?
Finally there's some guy at the end. He doesn't seem that important.
So there you have it, fuckbois, there's all yall bishes need to know about the characters in Suicide Squad. Hopefully, now you'll be able to cheer along with your friends whenever the Flasher gets in a witty one liner on the Human Cold-Sore.
Peace.

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