Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 5: Liar, Liar, Dickon Fire

Sup yall iss ya boi Rock Digglesbee aka Blistery G aka the Omnipotent Salami, an less talk about dis shit as we gear up for Suicide Squad 2.

As the kids say: #lit

So Bronn still hasn't got his castle yet, not even so much as a "thanks for draggin my suicidal ass in all this heavy fuckin armour and giant awkward golden fuckin hand outta the drink amigo" from the big dog J-Lanns.

Meanwhile Samwell's dad and Dickoff aka Charles Dickons smoke some novelty cigars, and Danny's all like "Lols, they have explosion in thems". The Tardleys died as they lived: mocked by me. This brutal incineration of her enemies proves to the other loyal soldiers that they'd rather get burnt by a dragon than have a flying church bell splatter them on the way home from work. When they get home, the dragon tries to beg Jon for food, but the Brooding Dudester only has a glove. Then Jorah returns to reclaim the friendzone. No mention is made of the miracle cure Samwell discovered a few episodes ago.

Speakin ov the only living Tarley boy, he basically drops out of college after some old men call him an entitled millenial, but at least Gilly can come along as they go rolling out with nothing to eat but books and a suddenly grown child. Some shit about Jon's potential family was mentioned but I was too busy adding the number of Cosby children that bloke dropped off at the pool to my list of Game of Thrones shit themed trivia list. Anyway, iss not like Gilly's has any concept of family trees with more than one branch.

Those three guys could almost be triplets!

Davos tries to book a lad's holiday in Magaluf, but ends up gettin crabs and a midget. He goes looking for a rentboy to cheer up Missanday aka Black Emma Watson and instead runs into the guy he abandoned in a boat. Luckily the lifeguards were about that day, and medieval B&Q had a sale on obscenely fuckoff big hammers. Davos gives some guys crabs.

Bran starts trippin balls until Albino Darth Maul reminds him not to go lookin into other folks' browsing history. Bran remembers he hasn't deleted his own search history and shits himself, although he does that a lot anyway due to having no control over his lower body and sphincter muscles. Coincidentally, Arya finds Lil Finga's Wifi password.

Cersei's up the duff wid another zesty incest infant. 

Then, Jon and the Lads decide the pints are too warm across the Wall, and head north to get some ice. He decides they can drag a dead bloke back to parade through King's Landing while they're at it. So, the Happy Half-Bastard assembles an all-star team aka Seal Team Snow aka Suicide Squad (But Not Shit) aka the Kinda Magnificent Seven (+ Surplus Generic White Walker Bait). He brings in Gendry cuz who else to get hammered with. The Hound comes along cause the CGI budget wasn't enough for Jon's actual pet dog to join them. Jon bonds with the Red and the Dead over having a manbun and also being resurrected. Still, the topknot doesn't fool him. Together they are the Bald and the Brave. Gingebeard aka Where Ma Big Women At? tags along to see if he can fuck a White Walker. Jorah comes along because he's pretty much invincible now, an besides Topknot Priest can just start resurrecting fuckers left an right if things get heavy.

Oh shit son, nex episode will be the shit... in the meantime, peace.