Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 6: Winter Olympics

Sup yall iss ya boi Rock Digglesbee aka The One Eyed Hornet aka Barry Bitchkicker aka Scat outta Hell, an less have a look at dese Winter Olympic shenanigans.

"KOBE!"

So, whilst Sansa goes through her sister's shit and messes up all the neatly folded severed faces, ma boi Big Gendz aka the Baratheon Bulldog aka Did you just assume my Gendry again? aka "Stop... Hammertime!" preps for the next leg of his Westeros triathlon, he's already completed the rowing section after all. Micky Blue Eyes aka Scandinavian Darth Maul also psyches himself up for the javelin event he's been training hundreds of years for. Will he do better than Bronn at the dragon shooting? The Hound, meanwhile, is trying one of those hammer swinging things.

Anyway, Suicide Squad v.2 aka Snowmies go trekking through the snow. The gang's all here. There's Jon Snow aka "First I get dat dragonglass, then I get that dragonASS!", Jorah the Mormon aka "I got cured of stony genital warts for this shit?", the Hound aka KFC's worst nightmare, Gendry aka scared of ginger minge, Tormund aka the man with the soulless chin, Beric aka "shit, I took fall damage, can I get some resurrection over here plz" and Thoros aka Thorence Nightingale. So Tormund chats about they have to fuck wateva they can find, then he's all like, "hey, a bear!". Jon an Beric "Hit that respawn button again" Dondles compare notes on death. Beric suggests poison, an Jon's like "Hmm, haven't tried that one yet". The Hound calls out whinging. Tormund and the Hound bond over their fetish for big women. Thoros reveals that being shitfaced is the key to his powers.

So they get attacked by a zombie bear afta Tormund sticks it in the whole hole. Some randoms get wreckt but then Thoros gets got cuz the Hound gets shook. Then the Westeros Jackass crew try ambushing some zombies as their next stunt, and all goes well. They snatch up one of the wights and are about to toddle off, when Gendry starts his marathon. A crowd of admirers swarm the Boys and they retreat to the ice rink.

The White Walkers were running late due to delays in the replacement bus service.

Danny decides to see how the lads are doing as she hasn't had a text from Jon in a few hours and is getting worried. Also a midget joke is made. Real classy, dragon queen.

Jon and Co hold up on an island. Thoros dies of old age waiting for George RR Martin to write the next book. The Hound tries rock skipping which just makes the wights angry. Beric whips out his lightsaber and the crew prepares for a showdown. A riot breaks out after the javelin event is delayed and Jon bumps one of the other randos into the mob. Tormund almost gets drowned, but Jaime reminds him that real niggas don't drown, and the Hound comes in with the save. Still, it looks like the crew is fuckety fucked, but den Dany comes through with the save.

The lads all hop on the dragon, Jorah complaining that there's no first class. Bronn pops up to ask if he wants Fancy Lads Class? Jon sees the Night King finally arrive, and tries to 1v1 him, but he only cares about javelining. So he shoots! And down goes one of the dragons! Dany fucks off after Jon gets rugby tackled into the drink. 

Den Uncle Ben Express Horse rolls up swangin at the zombos. Mothafucka noticed some dragons flying about and thought it might be worth a look, I guess. He's like "Hey Jon, I'm still about!" then sacrifices himself anyway.

Jon gets back to safety, and Danny comes to visit him. It all gets a bit steamy... almost. Davos shoulda hid some of that fermented crab about and theyda bin banging like rabbits.

But den, Night King gets pissed that he missed his second javelin shot and summons Blue Eyes Wight Dragon for target practice.

Mr Freeze out here.

Thass about it. How about dat...

Peace.

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 5: Liar, Liar, Dickon Fire

Sup yall iss ya boi Rock Digglesbee aka Blistery G aka the Omnipotent Salami, an less talk about dis shit as we gear up for Suicide Squad 2.

As the kids say: #lit

So Bronn still hasn't got his castle yet, not even so much as a "thanks for draggin my suicidal ass in all this heavy fuckin armour and giant awkward golden fuckin hand outta the drink amigo" from the big dog J-Lanns.

Meanwhile Samwell's dad and Dickoff aka Charles Dickons smoke some novelty cigars, and Danny's all like "Lols, they have explosion in thems". The Tardleys died as they lived: mocked by me. This brutal incineration of her enemies proves to the other loyal soldiers that they'd rather get burnt by a dragon than have a flying church bell splatter them on the way home from work. When they get home, the dragon tries to beg Jon for food, but the Brooding Dudester only has a glove. Then Jorah returns to reclaim the friendzone. No mention is made of the miracle cure Samwell discovered a few episodes ago.

Speakin ov the only living Tarley boy, he basically drops out of college after some old men call him an entitled millenial, but at least Gilly can come along as they go rolling out with nothing to eat but books and a suddenly grown child. Some shit about Jon's potential family was mentioned but I was too busy adding the number of Cosby children that bloke dropped off at the pool to my list of Game of Thrones shit themed trivia list. Anyway, iss not like Gilly's has any concept of family trees with more than one branch.

Those three guys could almost be triplets!

Davos tries to book a lad's holiday in Magaluf, but ends up gettin crabs and a midget. He goes looking for a rentboy to cheer up Missanday aka Black Emma Watson and instead runs into the guy he abandoned in a boat. Luckily the lifeguards were about that day, and medieval B&Q had a sale on obscenely fuckoff big hammers. Davos gives some guys crabs.

Bran starts trippin balls until Albino Darth Maul reminds him not to go lookin into other folks' browsing history. Bran remembers he hasn't deleted his own search history and shits himself, although he does that a lot anyway due to having no control over his lower body and sphincter muscles. Coincidentally, Arya finds Lil Finga's Wifi password.

Cersei's up the duff wid another zesty incest infant. 

Then, Jon and the Lads decide the pints are too warm across the Wall, and head north to get some ice. He decides they can drag a dead bloke back to parade through King's Landing while they're at it. So, the Happy Half-Bastard assembles an all-star team aka Seal Team Snow aka Suicide Squad (But Not Shit) aka the Kinda Magnificent Seven (+ Surplus Generic White Walker Bait). He brings in Gendry cuz who else to get hammered with. The Hound comes along cause the CGI budget wasn't enough for Jon's actual pet dog to join them. Jon bonds with the Red and the Dead over having a manbun and also being resurrected. Still, the topknot doesn't fool him. Together they are the Bald and the Brave. Gingebeard aka Where Ma Big Women At? tags along to see if he can fuck a White Walker. Jorah comes along because he's pretty much invincible now, an besides Topknot Priest can just start resurrecting fuckers left an right if things get heavy.

Oh shit son, nex episode will be the shit... in the meantime, peace.

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 4: The Roast of Jaime Lannister

Sup yall, iss ya boi Rock Digglesbee aka Yakkety Gacks aka Jammie Dodger Defiler an iss about time I sharted my thoughts onto this here webzone bloge. An no harsh comments pleze, I'm stil oopsut abot that won twate whu sad mye spelllink waz bda.

Anyways, it all starts wid Lil Finga gettin spooked. Lil Finga got Finga'd, you could say. Then Bran aka accurate representation of my personality when dealing with strangers aka Tickle Me Emo breaks up wid his girl because basically Bran Flakes is pimpin now. He brought Prince Duran Duran's old wheelchair for the cheap online so he don't need Meera no more. But for real though, Meera you come find ya boi Digglesbee, at least he only lazy an not crippled too. Sansa also gets creeped out when her other emotionally mongaloided sibling rocks up to make more jokes about killing people. Arya lookin for a standup gig doing puns about slaying the crowd.

Davos has become a grammar nazi despite the fact that a ten year old girl taught him to read about a year ago. He also plays Jon's wingman, but old Snow ass bish don't know nothin. He was too busy fuckin about with chalk inside the cave then had to act like it was some important discovery when Danny rolled up expected results like me explaining why taking three hour long shits every day is productive to my manager.

Theon manages to get to shore. Despite him being in the sea, Jon's the one who's salty.

I'm starting to think Rickon got it easy.

Brienne almost crushes a little girl's ribcage in a play fight. Podrick shits himself as he loses his employee of the month title.

But all that shit is unimportant. Bronn better get his fookin castle, an it better be impregnable as a Dornish goat. When I heard what Bronn and Goldfinger and Dickon-Dickoff (pfthahaha) heard, I was like...

So the barbeque gets out of hand. Stannis would be jerkin off in his grave! The Hunns decimate the Lannister army, mostly due to a fuckoff huge dragon, but at least friendly fire was turned off so they could go merrily through the fire. In the chaos, we see various reenactments of Anikin Skywalker being roasted on Mustafar. Dickoff catches PTSD offa Jaime. The whole thing's like looking into a ninety year old smoker's lung.

But fuck dat, ma main man Bronn snatched the MVP of the episode title outta Meera-bae's hands whilst she was still wiping her tears with an Avril Lavine CD case. Fuckin almost took down a dragon.
#getBronnafookincastle

Peace. I'm out to help update Google's security questions!

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 3: Lock Up Your Daughters

Sup yall, iss ya boi Rock Digglesbee aka Doggie Dippa aka Chairman of the Chaz and Dave tribute bands fanclub, here's some more shit. Remember since VSauce got weird, Ol Rocky's the only eBoi yall can trust anymore.

I wish we could go back to spit facts.

Anyway, down at Fort Bean, Lil Finga tries whipping out some quantum physics theories about parallel universes and alternate timelines and his donkeypunch fetish, but then Bran aka Rosebud was the sledge aka Dr Manhattan rocks up and is jus like "Bish, get on my level! I can time travel, ya gay ass pedo weiny!" Anyway. Bran has a nice little chat with his sister about how she looked good on the night she was raped... Is he sayin she deserved it?

Jon meets with Danny aka Burner of Toast aka Bearer of Titles aka Carl Easy aka All these titles and you chose salt aka crazy dragon lady aka Watcher of Simpsons aka Cooker of Soup aka Purveyor of Used DVDs (still good condition tho) on Ebay aka... and the list goes on. Davos proves to be a shite wingman, as he only remembers Jon's name barely. Also starts off their visit with some casual "So, where are you from?" like when my grandad saw a brown person in the street the other day. Casual xenophobe or silver fox? You decide!

Anyways, meanwhile, the early Grey Worm gets the bird, so now he's afta some castle. But getting dat shit was no probs for ma man G Wormz. You can almost hear Admiral Ackbar shouting in the background... and yall already know what he's saying. Euron sends his squidbois to wreck their shit while he delivers Cersei's mail-order brides. The Sand Snakes are now removed from the show like a shrivelled up wart off an old biddie's nozzle, an all it took was a Pirates of the Caribbean montage an some lesbo action.

Unfortunately Cersei doesn't just blow buildings, she also blows her brother. So he goes rocking up to the Old Tyrell place. A moment of silence for Margery's disintegrated tits. Aight, so Grandma Tyrell goes out like a champ, havin a right ol Kingslayer to Kingslayer chat about how she's glad she gave Joff the old Jimi Hendrix treatment. Real recognize real I guess?

And thass all for now. Til the nex time I drink paint. Peace.