Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 7: Jon's Ancestry.com Results

Sup ya bishes, iss ya boi Rock Digglesbee aka Slagdaddy Mack aka Janky Danky Hank, and iss the final episode, so less get to it.

So all the main characters pretty much meet up to crack open a cold one. The Hound and Brienne have a good old "hey, remember when you almost killed me, LOL" moment. Then they let a zombie out of a crate, going for the jump scare on Cersei and everyone's scared shitless, but Qyburn's rock hard, looking at the zombie's hand like "you gonna finish that?"

Deleted scene of Qyburn's reaction.

So we get the Hound telling some dudes he'll kill them if they touch his family bucket of KFC, Bronn, Pod and Tyrion reunion (Two an a Halfman lololololol) an Jon and Davos present one of those QVC adverts to Cersei for their new range of dragonglass knives and cutlery. Nothin cuts through dead fuckers quite like it! Euron is all like Euron Your Own Now and fucks off back to that dingy shithole he ran away from. Or is he...

Meanwhile, Sansa wants to play a game, but Creepy McPedoface aka Where Did the Lil Finga Go? aka the human personification of a white van with tinted windows parked outside of a secondary school, ain't got Guess Who, cuz all the characters died. Lil Finga then gets singled out for a background check and starts to panic. Bran uploads "Lord Baelish EXPOSED (Gone Wrong)(Almost Died!!!)" to Youtube immediately. Then Facey McNoFace gets tired and straight up slits the old boy's throat. No one in the room lifts a little finger to help him (hehe).

Jon cockblocks Jorah and gets Danny to join him on a romantic cruise. Jon's Lonely Island playlist kicks off with "I'm On a Boat!". Bran watches through InstaBran whilst ignoring Meera's messages about some Aegon Targarean or sum shit. Bish please, Bran's moved on! Take yo child support an fuck off!

The breakup was all about money, right?

Obviously, shit can't get disgusting until Samwell's on the scene. He talks to Bran like I'd talk to some homeless bloke threatening to kill himself whilst bamboozled off the LSD. Bran crashes a wedding. Jon crashes a womb, trying to fuck it back into working. Lonely Island playlist moves on to "I Just Had Sex". Tyrion listens to what's goin on, and just walks away like "not this shit again", and Bran betta be careful cuz the last time he uncovered some incestuous shit, he ended up with noodle legs.

So whilst Jorah sadwanks to the grunts from the cabin next door, Jaimie susses out that Cersei's acting shady. She tells him that Euron's not acting like a pussy, and that they gonna be bringing the circus to King's Landing real soon. Jaime dumps her, cuz there's no room for two incestuous relationships in this show, this ain't NCIS Bridgewater! It starts to snow, an Jaime realises that he's gonna save a shit ton of dolla this year on the Christmas presents, no children, no in-laws, no dad... his list is basically: Bronn - Castle (X2)?, Brienne - THIS DICK, Qyburn - Dead Guy Hand.

So back at the Mexican border, Tormund aka the ginger power ranger and Beric aka unlimited lives cheat code in human form, chat about being scared of heights. Then some pasty fucka comes strutting along, no biggie. Oh shit, wait, we ain't got enough food for all these dudes! So, since no one's letting them in, Night King aka Darth Cold aka Javelin toss & Chill, gets his new pet dragon to knock a chunk out. Resourceful fucker, that Night King. Anyway, the wildlings play snakes and ladders to escape, and then the zombies get through.

Shit's getting crazy. I'm prayin to Gawd that Kim Jung Cunt don't set off his nukes til the final season's over. Someone send him a fax or suttin that Rock Digglesbee says he can have Japan and South Korea and America as long as Game of Thrones is allowed to end before the world.

You hear me, you cheesy burger-faced chub!

Anyway, peace out yall.