Leakt Script for Star Wars Episode 8: Revenge of teh Yarael Poof

Wassup yall gettin offended everyday by the colour purple ass mufuckas, iss ya boi Rock Digglesbee aka the embodiment of everythin you wish you was aka Ebeneezer Splooge aka It's a Blunderful Life aka the Turkey Sandwich Fuelled Shit Machine. I'm basically reporten to ya here today bout teh leakt skript fer teh upcoming Star Wars filum based on fan favrite character (an I aint talkin about Kylie Renogue) Yareal Poof aka What George Lucas Sees When He Sees People With Actual Necks aka Kaminoan Reject aka "We can just digitally edit dis guy outta Episode Too an hope no one'll notice".
As diss shit iz strate outta teh oven, I will warn yall insecure, pants wettin leg humpers, dere may be spoilers ahead, so put your fucken socks on.

Yarael Poof: He looks like Voldemort's nerdy cousin.

Scene 1:
After the traditional Star Wars opening, where a bunch of information that no one will remember in ten minutes is thrown into your face like the time you visited Captain Bukakke thinking it was a Japanese restaurant, the screen wipe reveals a young Yareal Poof. He is butt ass naked as shit and his flabby grey ass is blowing chunks of undigested Nando's into the air like a malfunctioning snow machine. Meanwhile, Yoda an his boys are laughing they lil ET lookin asses off as the gangly mufucka flails his neck around like an orgasming giraffe.
YAREAL (in pain): Yall space niggas said this was the good stuff!
YODA (laughing): Fuckin stupid your bitch ass is.
Yoda an the other weird looking fucks that make up the Jedi Council honk out a few more laughs, sounding like a bus full of spacky kids from a galaxy far far away having a simultaneous asthma attack. Yareal turns to them, exposing a dildo strapped to his stomach with duct tape. It flops dramatically. The music builds.
YAREAL (angry): You also said I had to cut my nuts off to become a Jedi!
THAT WEIRD DINOSAUR LOOKIN GUY THAT GETS FUCKED UP BY JANGO FETT: Yeah, that was actually true though. You didn't have to run around town naked with dildos strapped to every part of your body though.
THE PINK TUMOUR HEADED GUY (laughing): Most were strapped to that big ass neck!
The Jedi Council all start laughing again. Yareal quietly walks away.
Scene 2:
Yareal Poof is sat in his seat with the other CGI monsters in the Jedi Council. Yoda is meditating, Mace Windu is watching Snakes on a Plane in his motherfucking VR headset and Plo Koon is trying to tell everyone about the great orgy he totally went to last night. This is all muffled though as the camera zooms in on Yareal's weird noseless face.

Nope, that's not the terrifyingly freakish creature we're looking for.

YAREAL (angry): You do realise we're basically a carnival freak show, right, guys?
MACE WINDU (still fuckin around on the VR shit): ...oh yeah, Natalie Dormer... just a little bit more of that nipple clamp lube...
SHAQ T: What you chattin, ya fuckin pale ass pencil neck cracka?
RETARDED PINK YODA GUY: (Enraged autistic noises)
Yoda finally unplugs his headphones, nudging Mace Windu. Mace Windu takes off the VR headset and looks down at the obvious erection that he quickly tries to hide.
MACE (whispering): Just think of Yoda naked. Just think of Yoda naked. Gah, that doesn't help.
They all stare at Yareal expectantly. He gulps, which takes a while because his neck is so fuckin long.
YAREAL: Well, I was just thinking, there's no normal looking people on the Jedi Council, is there? So how are we supposed to recruit these lil kids to join us, if they get thinking that they're going to end up lookin like deformed gonorrhoea penis tumours, no offence, Ki Adi Mundi.

"I thought we was bros, you dickhead!"

YODA: Point, the fuck is it?
YAREAL: I mean, we got a dude that looks like a compost heap with a Chinese beard.
POPO RANASIS: (Fart noise)
YAREAL: We got Yoda's cross dressing brother Barry aka Caitlyn Jenner. We got some woman with tentacles coming outta her damn head. We got an albino Yoda with a scarred up face. We got some Indian woman. There's a dude who managed to get a fucking radiator or some shit stuck on his face. An then there's literally Satan.

Looks like some kind of Sesame Street knock off. Oh, and hail Satan, lurkin at the back there.

MACE: Bitches with tentacles are hot. I don't care what you gotta say!
SHAQ T: Damn right!
SISSEE TIN: NOW SACRIFICE YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD TO ME!!!!!!!
YODA: Fuck up the shut will you, Satan! Time for fucking about, it is not!
KI ADI MUNDI (disbelieving): Yall space niggas aint takin this deep throatin bitch's shit seriously is ya?
MACE: Maybe we could hire Natalie Dormer to be on the Jedi Council?
YODA: Hmm, better than all of your ugly asses she would be, hmm.
YAREAL: Great, I'll go find out where we can hire some normal looking Jedi Councillors.
Yareal jumps up and hurries out the door, his neck wobbling around like a pensioner in an ice rink. The camera follows him as he hurries down the stairs. He bumps into several children as he rushes past, force pushing them off the sides of the building to their grisly deaths.
YAREAL (happy): Today is gonna be such a good day!
Scene 3:
As Dr Dre's Bitches Ain't Shit plays loudly in the background, a ship zooms past the camera following a screen wipe. There is the sound of frantic toilet flushing.
YAREAL (irritated): Fuckin Nando's!
A huge grey planet appears out of nowhere. Yareal staggers over to the pilot's seat and starts punching the sat-nav.
YAREAL: Is that a fucken moon we're heading for?
SAT-NAV: That's no moon. That's George Lucas's chin.
YAREAL (panicking): Oh shiiiiiiiiii-
There is a loud screech as Yareal tries desperately to escape the fatty, all consuming wrath of George Lucas's chin, which is said to be growing ever larger until it eventually squashes the universe. Suddenly the lights in the ship go out and there is a crash.

A quote from one of George Lucas's interns during the making of Phantom Menace.

Scene 4:
Yareal wakes up. The camera pulls out (but I didn't when I shagged yer mum) to reveal him handcuffed and naked in a bathtub full of globby alien blood and vodka.
YAREAL: Ah shit, they took my kidneys again!
The ghost of Yoda appears.
GHOST YODA (angry): Took you so long, why did it?
YAREAL: What do you mean, Teenage Mutant Ninja Frog?
YODA: While you busy were laid getting and shit, us real hardcore Jedi were gettin straight up demolished by that lil emo bitch Anderson Skydiver or whateva the fuck he was called.
YAREAL: Oh shit. I'll go stop him.
He uses the force to throw the bathtub through the roof, flinging himself into the sky. A nuclear bomb goes off and he survives due to hiding in the bathtub. An impressed Indiana Jones tries to congratulate him, but is force pushed into a fridge, where he freezes to death.
YODA (angry): Wait, you tiny dicked faggot, Anderkin already done been killed.
YAREAL (confused): Whoa, how long was I out for?
YODA: Three hundred fuckin years you were gone, bedwetter. Not even a fucking Facebook message.

"To be fair, I was too busy roasting bitches."

YODA: Did you at least find some normal looking Jedis?
YAREAL (annoyed): The fuck do you think? Sorry, I'm a bit busy trying to comprehend that all my friends, a bunch of master fucken Jedis, were all killed by a pussywhipped, whiny, podracing lil sand loving faggit. Are all of yall space ghosts now?
YODA: Sorta.
That pink guy with the scar makes some retarded ghost noises from behind Yoda. There are faint sounds of ghost Jedi arguing.
QUI GONN GIN&TONIC: Don't touch my fuckin lightsaber hole!
OBI WAN: That's not what you said on Naboo!
MACE WINDU: When the muthafuck is motherfukin Natalie mothafucken Dormer gettin here!
Yareal turns to the camera. The screen wipes away. George Lucas sheds a single tear, then Disney produces millions of Yareal Poof action figures with detachable necks from their Chinese sweatshops.
To be continued?

How you feel having made it to the end of this piece of shit.