Game of Thrones Season 6 Episode 2: Splat! Woof! Gasp!

Sup yall, iss ya boi Rock Digglesbee aka Doobie Doo aka Mr "I like long, moonlit walks on unstable bridges" and do yall have a minute to talk about the lord and saviour Jon Snow? Muhfucka straight up rose up like fuckin Tupac in Cuba or sum shit! It'd be great if all he can say from now on is jus internet memes tho.

Edd: Hooray, you came back!
Jon: Edd, you smart... you loyal!
Edd: Uh, yeah, but anyway, there's some redhead woman to see you.
Jon: Another one!
Edd stabs Jon repeatedly. Ollie nods.

Anyway, sum otha shit occurred so let's git into it!

So Bolton Junior Han Solo'd his daddy afta hearin too much about how his new wife has SOOO much cushin for the pushin. After old Roose got poisoned by his enemies and started a medieval game of Cluedo which includes pretty much everyone as a suspect, the lovable scamp Ramsay takes his lil brother to see his pet doggies. Unfortunately, the dogs haven't seen the bloodhounds that disappeared last episode come back yet, so they were pissed and assumed the BBW had eaten them as a pregnancy craving. In all honesty it was probly the hardest to watch scene of the series so far...

...meh, don't lie, you'd tap that too.

Elsewhere, a drunk man got a slap round the head for pissin in the street. It seems the Mountain just can't put his head crushing glory days in the past yet. Oh, an he's also banned from all funerals because of this melon squashing addiction.

Another wall and giant combo claimed a life as Edd and the Boiz rolled up to avenge Jonstipated aka Jon Sneezus. That giant straight up turned a dude into a squashed ketchup packet, like some raging chubby kid who ain't allowed no extra chicken nuggets at Maccies. Davos awkwardly flirts with the redhead, an the episode sort of veers off into rom-com territory with him saying she makes him believe in miracles and shit.

Meanwhile, Theon wants to go looking for his dick, but Sansa assures him that its probly rotted and decomposed by now. He suggests cutting off the horse's dick and sellotaping that on instead, but Podrick aka Droppin Dat Fiah Mixtape on Dis Campfiah Bruh reminds everyone that he's vegan and animals have feelings an emotions and twenty different genders and Brienne ponders killing him.

Back at Theon's dingy shithole home, Wales, his dad goes for a relaxing stroll across a rickety bridge in the middle of a fuckin monsoon. His brother aka a young Hulk Hogan shows up and tries to convince him to join his Mariachi band as a tambourine player. Unfortunately, what is dead may never die, and he dies trying to kill his brother's dream of making it in the music industry. His brother later sings an inspirational song at the funeral: "WAKE ME UP INSIDE!!!! CAN'T WAKE-

Bran aka token disabled person now that Prince Hot Wheels is dead aka Charles Xavier returns to have some sorta Ghost of Christmas Past type flashbacks. He sees his dad and his uncle (who no one cares about being missing since the first fucken season!!!) but more importantly Hodor appears... AND HE CAN FUCKIN TALK LIKE A REAL PERSON NOT JUST LIKE A FUCKIN POKEMON!

Tyrion gets drunk and gets his dickless buddy to record his attempt at the "Roast Me" Challenge. Too bad he sobers up and gets teh fuck outta dere before being barbecued afta he tells the dragons he shagged their mum.

"Is that... DWARF PENIS!!! IT HAS MAGIC POWERS, YOU KNOW!!!"

 Other odds an ends:
-Cosplaying Jesus returns to mock a girl for forgetting her own name.
-Bran gets friend zoned by the only girl he's seen in years.
-That other girl knockin about at that tree lookin like the kid of dat giant herpes sore bloke from Suicide Squad.
-Still no Samtard in sight!
-Oh, and Jon Snow came back.

This week's MVP was mah boi Ramsay. Juss a straight up endearing and likeable character who I absolutely think will survive til the end of the series.